Connection, in an icolating stage
by inueo
Summary: what did she take that was so important! Raven began to get angery. MY VIRGINITY!BB blurted out. R
1. The girl who is fucked up

"no.." The sniffles. The sobing, the pain you could hear in her vvoice. Terra sat alone in her dark room. She had make some bad, and horrible mistakes. Some pretty fucked up things. Things she would never be able to take back. She sat on her bed, clutching the needle against her wrist. The warm tears ran down her face. She had not eaten in days, she felt tired, but couldnt sleep. Her eyes bagged, they were grey, instead of the normal blue color. The other titans didnt suspect Terra of bolimia, and anorexia. She hated everything about her self, everything she did was wrong. She pushed the sharp point into her fragile skin, wincing in pain as tears rolled down her face.

"Why the fuck am i a screw up?" Terra whisperd to herself. Winter was around the corner, which means her dealer would be returning to gotham city soon.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. She grabbed all the different forms of needles and stashed them under her bed. Wiped her eyes and put visine in her eyes.

"Terra?" beastboy yelled knocking.

Terra jumped up, Started trying to dry her eyes.

"one second!" she yelled back.

She cleaned up the blood filled tissues and shoved them in a pillow case. She brushed her hair quickly, and reached for a whole bunch of teen magazines and spread them all over her bed. She made herself look confretable and finally said will a calm deep breath,

"come in.."

BB walked in.

"are you okay?" he asked. BB always seem worried about terra. She knew he loved her. he would listen and belive everything she said.

"yes, im fine" Terra said with an akward smile.

"okay... I just worry about you alot.." he looked worried.

"im fine, i swear" she smiled.

"well, i just came to say, its time for dinner..." BB said smiling and walking out.

Terra stood up.

The hard dessision, to eat, not eat, or simply vomit.

She chose vomit.

groteques, chuncky, vomit.


	2. Bolimia

Terra wobbly walked down the stairs. She arrived at the kitchen, Where the other titians were eating the foods.

"ay terra, long time no see" Robin said

"Yeah, hows your room?" Cy laughed

Terra tried to smile "hehe..yeah..good."

"something the matter.._Terra?_" Rae asked

"Oh, no. just hungry" Terra smirked

Terra walked over to the fridge and got out a soda, and bologna sandwich.

"Thats all your having?" BB asked

"Yeah, i dont want to get a stomach ache later" She lied

She grabbed her plate and began to walk up stairs.

"Your are not to dine with us?" Star asked

"Uh..no. heh you know how i like my privacy" she smiled

"Oh..okay"The others said

Terra walkd to her room and locked the door. She sat her plate on her bed. She sat on the floor, turning her labtop on.It warmed up, and revealed her background was a picture of her and slade. A dark horrid picture of the evil man. She looked at it for a few seconds, and then clicked the internet icon. She went to a web page called home page opend to advice on suicide and other grotesque things. She hated what she was doing, but she didnt know how to stop.

She went to the link that said "dont hide, from suicide". She looked up the types of ways to kill herself. She always talked about how, or when she would do it. But she never did it. Terra was fucked up. Seriously disturbed. Everyday she became weaker, and weaker, and weaker. It was only a matter of time before she would fade away completly.

She stared, reading the computer screen. Her eyes were so baggy, her eyes, almost souless. Her bones were weak, her ribs would show,.

She simply wanted to be perfect. Skinny, smart, beautiful, cool, and normal.

And everyday she tried, she got less of what she wanted.

She closed her labtop. Crawled, zombie like, onto her bed. She slowly began to chew the sandwich. Little bites, all at once. The, she stood up. She grabbed her plate, and went into the bathroom.

She locked the door, and sat on the ground. She began to eat. She swallowd after a few minutes. She leaned over the toilet, stuck her finger down her throat and...

She vomited. More and more at a time. Tears ran down her face. She couldnt stop. Then, all of a sudden, there was a knock on the door.

"Terra?!" Raven knocked

"o-one second!" Terra screamed still pukeing.

"Terra! now open this door!" Rae screamed

Terra held her stomach, and tried to stand up, she collapsed and vomited all over the floor. She lay in a curled up ball, lying in her own vomit. Rae continued to yell, until she unlocked the door herself.

Terra slowly looked up...

Raven stood in the door way, sickly looked down at terra. She shook her head, looking at the discusting sight. Her face was that of a child, scared and confused. Raven had only one emotion on her face, scared.

"Terra.." Raven sighed

"Im-im, sor-..sorry Raven" Terra breathed

Raven looked at the ground and sighed

"Clean this all up..." She turned to walk away

"wait!" Terra yelled

Raven looked back at her

"you wont tell...will you?" Terra shook shivering

Raven looked away, then back at her.

"No.. this is your sick twisted story.. not mine" Raven explaind then walked away.

Terra remaind on the floor. She began to cry, sobbing.

_What is wrong with me..? Do I do this for a reason? do I do thing for Slade? Do I do this for myself? Or do I just do this for perfection?_

She stood up wobbly, and grabbed the side of the sink. She grabbed a towl, and began to clean up the grotesque vomit. She held the tears in, for she felt it was pointless to cry anymore. She did this to herself, and she knew it. She wanted to be perfect, Skinny, big boobs, perfect smile, perfect skin, pervect hair, and she wanted every guy to want her. She wanted so many things. And she had gotten the skin and hair part down, but she kept working at everything else. Sometimes she wouldnt want to live. It was times like now, that made her feel as if she shouldnt be alive. Like no one loved or care. But as hard as she tried to deny it, there always was someone who loved her, and that person, Was Beastboy...


	3. Just to save herself

After cleaning up her mess in the bathroom, she walked into her room again, and closed the door. It was pretty late, about twelve or so. She reached under her bed and pulled out a box. She opend the box in front of her. She got out a needle, which was filled with Hyalagen. She also pulled out a small pocket knife. But, before she did anything, she got up off her bed and changed. Her yellow shorts and black long sleved shirt smelled of puke. She took off her shirt and threw it on the ground. Then she took her shorts off and threw them on her dresser. She stopped and looked in the mirror. Her eyes looked into the reflection.  
"is this really me?" She said to herself.  
She touched her body, her skin was soft, her ribs were almost showing.  
"I am almost there..." She sighed.  
She opend her clost and slipped on a plad skirt. she also pulled on a white tank top. She slowly walked back to the bed and sat down. She took the needle and set it on her leg, while she got water and ice out of the box. She began to start numbing her wrists. She also tapped it to make sure it was numb.  
It was finally numb enough for her to inject herself. She held the needle into place, and slowy pushed in into her skin. Blood was rising a little, she winced in pain and injected the Hyalagen.  
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Terra jumped. Took the needle out as fast as she could.  
"Terra..?" Beastboy said  
Terra said nothing, and began to hold a napkin on her wrist to make it stop bleeding.   
"Terra?"  
"One second!" She yelled back. She threw the box on the floor.  
"What was that?!" BB yelled  
"N-nothing!" Terra yelled back still holding her wrist.  
"Thats it, im coming in!" BB yelled.  
She quickly crumbled the napkin up and threw it, and hid the needle under a near pillow. The door opend, and Beastboy walked in.  
"Hi.." He said.  
"Hey." she said back, breathing heavily.  
He walked in slowly and asked "Are you alright?"  
She took a deep breath and answerd "yep, fine. "  
"Youve been kind of..." He walked over and sat in front of her on the bed.  
"Strange.." He said  
"Im fine..." She replied  
Beastboy saw something shine in the corner of his eye. Under the pillow. He didnt know what it was. But it was the needle.  
"hey.. whats that..?" BB went to reach for it.  
_Fuck! no! i gotta act quick!_ Terra thought.  
Terra grabbed beastboys arm and kissed him. She pulled him onto her, and they kissed. Beastboys eyes widend, And then closed. While this happend, Terra reached underthe pillow and threw the needle under the bed. Beastboy looked up for a second, hearing the noise, but Terra pulled him back onto her.She rolled over and got ontop of him. He put his hands around her waste, and they laid down, kissing. He began to tug at her shirt. He slowly took it off. Terra reached for his belt, and slowly unbuckled it. This was the thing beastboy had always wanted, to be having sex with the girl he loved. And the bad thing was, she was only doing this so he wouldnt suspect her of doing anything wrong. He took off his shirt, and ran his fingures through her hair. She un-buttond his pants and slid them off, as heun-zipped the back of her skirt.  
They went at it all night. Beastboy loved every minute of it, as did Terra. But after 3 Hours they stopped and took a breath.  
"Whoa.." BB said  
"heh.. yeah.." Terra said  
"Terra.." BB said  
"Hmm..?" Terra replied  
"I..I love you.. i really really do." BB admited  
Terras eyes widend and she sat up.  
"What?" She asked  
"I said.. i love you" He said confusedly and sat up"  
Terra just looked at him.  
"Well..?" BB waited  
"Well what?!" Terra began to get mad  
"Arent you gonna say it back?!" BB boldly said  
"No." She shook her head.  
"...wh-...what..?" BB cried. He got his heart shoved into the ground.  
"You thought i loved you?!" Terra suprisingly asked  
"yeah.. i did.." BB yelled.  
He jumped out of the bed and put his cloths on.  
"I wanted to save sex with someone i would spend my life with, not, not some.. not some cheap slut!" BB screamed  
"Well excuseeeeee me!" Terra yelled back  
"Well your the one that loves me. you got what you wanted. now get out" Terra pointed to the door.  
"No.. see, unlike you, I _belong _here. _you_ dont!" BB harshly said.  
Terra began to cry. She jumped out of the bed and put her cloths on.  
"If thats how you see me then fine! i never loved you. and i _never_ will.." Terra glared at him  
"but..Terra" BB said regreting what he said  
"just stay the fuck out of my life..._ forever_." Terra stormed out and ran away.


	4. I dont give a shit

The next morning, Beast Boy sat at the table. Drinking Soy milk. He was holding th back of his neck thinking. The other titans came down.

"mornin beasty" Cy said

"good morning!" Star cheerfully said  
"ay BB" Robin smirked

"hey.." Rae joind in

BB said nothing.

"um.. So.. where is Terra?" Robin said.

"Shes gone" BB said

"what?!?" Everyone yelled

"We have to go find her!" Raven said, knowing her condision was unstable.

"No. i dont want to find her." BB angrily said.

"Beastboy..?" Cy said confused

"yeah, thats my name" He replied and sipped his milk.

"I thought you loved Terra.." Star commented

He jumpped up and began to scream

"What the fuck?! why the fuck does everyone keep saying that! yes, okay! yes! i do fucking love her! but let her go! you guys were always saying how she dosnt belong here! so shut the fuck up! god damnit! shut the fuck up!!!!!"

He began to breathe heavily.

Stars eyes formed tears.

"Hey! look, just because you and your girl got into a fight, dosnt mean you gotta take it out on startfire!" Cy yelled

"Oh great! now your against me!" BB screamed

"Cool your jets dude" Robin yelled

"..fine..." BB began to slowly breath.

"But we must find her.." Star spoke up

BB looked away and mumbled to himself.  
"there isnt a use. she took it.. and ill never get it back"

"what?" Raven asked

"Nothing.." BB said

"No, beastboy, what did you say?" Raven repeated

"it dosnt matter!" BB stood up

"yes.. it does" Raven said, with actual emotion

"No, you would care!" BB had tears running down his face

"I do care... I do care about _you._" Raven smiled

"Dont even fake that fucking smile"BB was so hurt.

"okay, what is up with you man?" Cy asked

"She took it!" BB screamed holding his head

He fell to his knees and cried

"Took what?"

"what did she take?!"

they all asked

"You wouldnt understand" BB said

"I would..." Raven comforted

"No, you wouldnt!" BB yelled again

"She took it, and im never getting it back!" BB sobbed

"What could she take that meant this much?!" Raven began to get angry

"My virginity!!!" BB blurted out.

The titans eyes widend.

"...no" Raven said

"no way.." Said robin and cy

"eh?" said star

"See... you dont understand. she played me like a violin. she took my heart for a joy ride and crashed it" BB looked away

Raven went to the couch and sat down while the others comforted beastboy. Ravens eyes were still wide open. She couldnt beleive it. terra did some pretty fucked up things, but this? this was horrible.

"Beastboy.. im so sorry.." Robin patted him on the back

"She was so nice too.." Star said

"And innocent.." Cy said

"no..." Raven said.

they all looked at her. Raven turned around and looked at them all.

"Terra was far, far from innocent."

Beastboy just looked at her.

"what..?"

raven stood up.

"this will be hard for you to comprehend..but she was..a...Junkie." Raven looked down

"What do you mean?" Robin asked

"Terra.. did things... Awful things... Drugs...ingections... smack...horrible things" Raven explained

"Beastboy stood up and wipped his eyes.

"terra wasnt what you thought"

"How do you know this?" BB asked

"I walked in on Terra.. Making herself throw up. It was about 3 days ago. and i got, worried. so i started going through some of her stuff. she had needles..smack..pot..ciggerets. it was all too discusting" Rae explaind

"oh.." BB said

"i wonder where she is now..." Star said

"Probably somewhere starving. alone and lost." BB replied

"You.. dont care anymore.. do you?" Cy asked

BB looked at him in the eyes and said "I cant. she told me to stay the fuck out of her life..._forever._"


	5. The dancer at the club?

The lights flashed. Sweat dripped down her half naked body. She swished her hair, and danced. Terra was a dancer. And known to be a good one. She was the main attraction at the midnight dance club. She was the one that everyone looked at, she sang, and danced, that dirty dancing every guy likes so much. She stretched her legs wide open and twisted onto her stomach, just to make the men go wild.

_Whats the time?  
Well it's gotta be close to midnight  
My body's talking to me  
It say,'Time for danger'_

It says 'I wanna commit a crime  
Wanna be the cause of a fight  
Wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt  
With a stranger'  


She jumpped up on the pole, and slid her body down it. the guys screamed and threw money. One guy even fainted. She smirked, andtouched herself, just to make the men feel kinky and horney. She leaned over the stage and grabbed a mans drink and poured it down her chest. She only had on, what looked like a sparkly bathing suit top, and boy cut underwear, and leather boots.

_  
I've had a knack from way back  
At breaking the rules once I learn the  
Games  
Get-up life's too quick_

I know someplace sick  
Where this chick'll dance it the flames  
We don't need any money  
I always get in for free  
You can get in too  
If you get in with me

Let's go out tonight  
I have to go out tonight  
You wanna play?  
Let's run away  
We wont be back   
Before it's Christmas Day  
Take me out tonight 

_  
When I get a wink from the doorman  
Do you know how lucky you'll be?  
That your on line with the feline of  
Avenue B_

Let's go out tonight  
I have to go out tonight  
You wanna prowl  
Be my night owl?  
Well take my hand we're gonna howl  
Out tonight  


She left the club, and went to a shabby old apartment. She walked up to her room and shut the door. She looked out her window, she rememberd the life she once had, and now escaped.

_  
In the evening I must roam  
Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome  
Feels to damn much like like home  
When the spanish babies cry_

So let's find a bar  
So dark we forget who we are  
And all the scares from the  
Nevers and maybes die.


End file.
